So I just joined Match.com recently and I get an email today from some random girl and she says quote on quote “Dude, it sucks you’re so far away b/c I dig Jewish guys .” Why am I not surprised? You haven’t experienced real love unless you have dated Jew its a fact. We know how to save money and make love. There is a reason why we pump out babies so quickly, cause we get the job done bottom line!
If you aren’t convinced already here is top 10 reasons to date Jews.

1. Matza Balls

The MATZA BALLS! They aren’t just in fairy tales they do exist and GOD blessed us with the secret power of the Matza Ball. By Dating a Jew you automatically upgrade yourself from regular balls! which are just boring to Matza Balls!

2. Kosher

We’re Kosher!. Fear not the mystery of modern disease. With the blessings from top ancient rabbi’s from around the world, you will have zero in securities when chowing down on a Hebrew National!

3. Sarcasm

You might be a high maintance female but we are ready to tackle you with our secret Jewish Sauce called “sarcasm”. A normal guy might want to jump off a bridge after dealing with your $hit. We will just make you laugh with our sarcastic and witty mind control while secretly putting you in a great mood and then after that show you lots of love to cure all your insecurities.

4. Jewish Moms

It is well known that we JEWS have the best moms in the world. We aren’t classified as Momma Boys because we are gay we just have awesome moms. If you can earn the praise of a Jewish MOM. You are a truly special Female and will forever will be cherished in our eyes but our MOMS will kick your a$$ if you take advantage of our sensitive feelings lol.

5. Selective

Becoming a Jew is tall task in this world but dating a JEW is an even more difficult challenge. We are very stingy with our Money an Trust Me we won’t waste our money and time with you if we don’t think your special. If you are selected as Dateable you will be treated like “Gold”. If we pay for your Happy Meal and buy you a Milk Shake then this means its “serious” if we mysteriously have to go to the bathroom when the Waitress delivers the Check or we lose our Wallet at the McDonald’s Drive Through then it just wasn’t meant to be.

6. Shabot

Every Friday is a Party guaranteed when you date a JEW. Nobody else can throw down on a FRIDAY like we can. Plus we have “Manischewitz” the secret cure for all that stings you.

8. Hanukkah

We have 8 Long days vs 1 Short Night. What can I say we last a little longer if you know what I mean.

9. Adam Sandler

Don’t really know how Adam Sandler got into this post. He just mysteriously appears whenever there is conversation about how cool JEWS are!

10. CASH MONEY

Last but not least, we figure out how to be successful in this world. Some how our genetic string of cells has figured out how to put 2 and 2 together and still have 2 dollars left over.
An example of this is go walk in the subway at 2 in the morning in NYC. How many people asking for a pair of shoe laces and a Cig that also happen to be wearing a Yamulkka? Not very many.
Some how some way we just figure it out, and we will always be the most reliable providers for our family.